


letters from renjun

by timelessidyll



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, M/M, yeah you know i'm about that life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-25
Updated: 2018-05-26
Packaged: 2019-05-13 15:30:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 2,505
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14751533
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/timelessidyll/pseuds/timelessidyll
Summary: chenle,if you're receiving this box, i'm sorry. i knew it was coming all along. don't be too sad for me, lele, because i wouldn't want you to cry because of me. i always made sure of that, as your best friend of course. there are exactly thirteen other letters inside this box, one for each year since i met you. please forgive me.always yours,renjun





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> i was feeling angsty one day and renle is the perfect way to unleash that angst

> letter one

 

from 2006

 

chenle,

 

this is the first of many letters. i didn't write this as a seven-year-old, of course not. but i wanted to document our first meeting. do you remember it, lele? well, i'll remind you.

 

i was already in school, a picture perfect model first grader. i never angered the teacher, got in trouble, or broke a single rule. it's quite possibly the only reason they were as lenient as they were when they found out what i had done. the incoming batch of six-year-old kindergartners wasn't that big of a deal, but you caught my eye. even as a child, i was pretty observant. you were sitting all alone, tucked into the side of one of the big oak trees that surrounded the playground, and for some reason, you drew me in. i didn't realize until i was in front of you and had already said hi, until you had smiled hesitantly and said hi back that one of my counters had fallen to zero. and i remember the cold feeling in my body when i noticed that both of yours were still running.

 

i'm not telling you this because i want you to feel guilty, lele. don't be sorry that you couldn't be the one for me, because jisung is better for you than i ever could've been. don't be sorry that i had to live without a soulmate. i accepted my fate that cloudy day on my first day of first grade.

 

always yours,

renjun


	2. Chapter 2

 

> letter two

 

from 2007

 

chenle,

 

do you remember when we went out to get ice cream, just the two of us, because the ice cream place was just down the block and your parents trusted me to take you there? you dropped your chocolate cone and i gave you mine instead, even though i loved mint chocolate more than anything – except you. even as a child, i was insanely whipped, huh? i don't know why i brought up that memory, really. maybe i just like reminiscing of a time when i truly was the most important person in your life. ah, don't try to argue with my words, lele, because i know that's what you're trying to do right now. i've seen the way you look at jisung, like he hung the stars in the skies. ~~just like how i looked at you.~~

 

hey lele, eat a lot of mint chocolate ice cream for me, ok?

 

always yours,

renjun


	3. Chapter 3

 

> letter three

 

from 2008

 

chenle,

 

we went to the lake that year. you were terrified of the water, and so was i because of the weird seaweed, but i taught you how to float and you were so happy when you could do it on your own. that was one of my proudest moments, did you know? i had the picture of it that my parents took tucked into my wallet. you should have it – so that we don't lose that memory.

 

maybe you're wondering why i keep writing about our memories together. i want you to remember the happy times, the times that embodied our friendship. because you were always my best friend, lele. always. i didn't care if i wasn't your soulmate, although i'm not going to lie and say that it didn't hurt. don't forget about me, please, because i think that would hurt me more than anything.

 

always yours,

renjun


	4. Chapter 4

> letter four

 

from 2009

 

chenle,

 

my fourth-grade year was probably one of my worst. your parents had decided to live in korea for the year because of business issues, and so you left with them. you told me it was hard, over our weekly calls, to get accustomed to the new language and culture. i never told you, but it was hard for me to go through my school routine without you. sometimes i saved the little chocolate my mom always gave me because i expected to meet you at the school gates. i was always disappointed. i found myself adrift for a while, unsure of what i wanted to do. that's how i got into art.

 

i was always interested in drawing. there was something soothing about it for me. painting, sketching, pottery; there was so much i could do to express myself. it was a new world that i had never had the chance to delve into. until i had nothing but time.

 

try to find the silver lining, lele. even in the worst of situations.

 

always yours,

renjun


	5. Chapter 5

 

> letter five

 

from 2010

 

chenle,

 

this letter might be the shortest one. i can't know for sure since there are still future letters to write. exactly six after this.

 

i don't want to think about that.

 

this was my fifth-grade year, wasn't it? four years passed by in such a blur, i hardly remember a time you weren't with me. well, except for the whole year you were gone. but nothing too important happened, and i can confidently say that every major milestone was achieved by your side. we performed in the talent show, didn't we? we sang a song together. i don't remember what it was, but it was fun. being with you was a lot of fun.

 

ask my mom for the painting of us i made. i was proud of that, so i hope you like it.

 

always yours,

renjun


	6. Chapter 6

> letter six

 

from 2011

 

chenle,

 

i hated this year. when we were separated because i had to leave for my sixth grade and you had to finish your fifth grade. i ended up making more friends, but none of them felt the same as you. i wasn't as comfortable with them as i was with you. donghyuck was always being too loud with jaemin, and jeno never did anything to stop them because he was too whipped for jaemin's smile. i can't really blame him; jaemin was beautiful when he smiled, like the whole world had been made for him to do exactly that. ~~not as beautiful as you, though.~~

 

this was when you met jisung, and my heart broke into pieces. i could never be mad at him, lele, because he made you so happy. i couldn't be bitter that it was him and not me, because i knew that sometimes people aren't always complementary to each other. i couldn't be upset that it wasn't me that you were meant to be complementary to.

 

he's still making you happy, right lele?

 

always yours,

renjun


	7. Chapter 7

> letter seven

 

from 2012

 

chenle,

 

sunday nights were always ours. some of my favorite memories of you can be set in the blanket fort we made while watching an animated movie and eating cheap popcorn. i would criticize the animating for poor frame qualities and you would laugh despite not knowing the first thing about how animation worked. i'd like to think you learned some things over time. before jisung, you never canceled one of our sunday nights, even if you ended up having to rush a project the next morning because you'd put it off for too long.

 

you called me one saturday night and said that you and jisung had a project due that you absolutely couldn't put off, and i understood lele, i really did. the increase in workload was hard to get used to, and tried not to feel too upset that jisung would get to spend sunday night with you instead of me. and then it happened again a few weeks later. jisung had asked you to go to busan with him to visit his grandparents and to introduce you. and it happened again a few weeks after that, when you and jisung went to the park for a makeshift date. i could tell our sunday nights were starting to slip your mind, and i didn't want to bother you with a reminder of them, so i let our tradition die altogether – buried it deep in my heart and covered it up with smiles and laughter about your experiences.

 

sorry, this got a little sad. i still don't mean to upset you, lele. take a break from the letters for now.

 

always yours,

renjun


	8. Chapter 8

> letter eight

 

from 2013

 

chenle,

 

 in eighth grade, you asked me about my timer. i showed it to you too, tried not to let my face show how much it hurt me when you smiled brightly and asked who it was. i couldn't say it was you, so i did the next best thing and lied about when it ran out. you pouted when i told you that i was too young to know when it had stopped counting down, so i had no clue who my soulmate was. you started to come up with an elaborate scheme in order to find my "lost" soulmate, and i didn't have the heart to stop you by saying my soulmate was right in front of me. it was jisung who stopped you, because even as childish as he was, he understood that there was no hope of finding a random person only based on the fact that my timer had run out as a child.

 

maybe, deep inside, i wanted you to realize it was you. that it had been you all along.

 

always yours,

renjun


	9. Chapter 9

>  letter nine

 

from 2014

 

chenle,

 

i was separated from you again this year. it didn't feel as bad as the last time, but i might have become desensitized to it. i'd experienced it twice before of course. and you had jisung with you this time, so i didn't think you'd miss me too much. sorry, lele, you're probably trying to argue with my self-deprecating words right now. it's alright, i came to terms with it.

 

the art school was a nice place. i learned a lot being in it. there are a lot of paintings i made for you, practice works from class that made me think you would enjoy them. i never gave them to you because they had my longing ingrained into the lines, but it shouldn't matter now. take them for me.

 

all of these have been really sad, huh? sorry lele, i'll try to make the next one happier.

 

always yours,

renjun


	10. Chapter 10

>  letter ten

 

from 2015

 

chenle,

 

i was so proud of you when you got accepted into the music school you wanted. you're an amazing singer and pianist chenle, never forget that. your passion is too amazing to give up. keep doing what you love, lele, and you'll always be able to find happiness.

 

we don't talk much anymore, although we try to call almost daily just to stay in touch. you're busy as a freshman, rushing from class to class and struggling to finish your homework, so i understand. you did really well on your composition exams, lele, i'm proud of you. the pieces you sent me were exquisite and your voice was very soothing. i can understand why you're top of your class. jisung is attending a dance school, correct? please meet him often. it'll help the loneliness a lot.

 

always yours,

renjun


	11. Chapter 11

>  letter eleven

 

from 2016

 

chenle,

 

i'm glad you came to my gallery. it was nice to see you there, supporting me. yes, i know what you'll say, that you've always been my number one supporter, but it meant a lot to me, lele. the fact that you still saw me as your best friend meant a lot.

 

i relate a lot to jaemin. he doesn't seem like the type to get incredibly upset at being separated from his soulmate, but you could tell he missed jeno a lot. neither of us missed donghyuck too much, but it's alright because he'd gotten his own soulmate to be happy with.

 

we still met up at least once a month, many times more than that, because as much as i joke about hating them, they're close to me now. don't worry lele, they never took your place in my heart. ~~did he take my place in yours?~~

 

always yours,

renjun


	12. Chapter 12

>  letter twelve

 

from 2017

 

chenle,

 

i graduated today, huh? it was such an experience. i still hear your screaming in my ears, even though you were halfway across the auditorium and there were a thousand other people as well. i never really told you how thankful i was, lele, to hear you be so happy for me. i half expected you to not show up at all. i'm sorry i doubted you, even if it was only inside my head.

 

hey lele, wasn't the sky really pretty when we came out of the auditorium? do you still have the picture of us that jisung took? i used it as inspiration for an artwork i created. it's called _aspiring sunset_ , and it's in a local art gallery. i never told you about it, but i hope you can visit it and think about us. i'm sorry that we didn't get to talk as much as we used to, but i hope i was still your best friend.

 

always yours,

renjun


	13. Chapter 13

>  letter thirteen

 

from 2018

 

chenle,

 

i'm sorry i couldn't make it to your graduation. you must have been so disappointed when you didn't see me in the crowd, didn't hear my voice. i couldn't tell you beforehand, lele; i couldn't kill your happiness like that.

 

my last gift to you is a watercolor sketch. it's a portrait of you from your final performance, the last one before you graduated. i was so proud, lele, to see you on that stage. i hope it lives up to expectations.

 

please don't be too sad. i lived a good life with you by my side, even if you weren't always there physically. you always cheered me on, pushed me to be my best, and i'm so grateful that you are my best friend, lele. because even after i've died, i hope you still consider me as such. don't let your head fall down in grief, lele. keep it held high; always look to the future, and live every day to the fullest.

 

i love you.

 

always yours,

renjun


	14. Chapter 14

> letter ?

 

from 2018

 

jisung,

 

i never held a grudge against you. even if i was upset that i never was able to have chenle as my soulmate, i could deal with only being his best friend. you were good for him, kept him a little more down to earth, but you also allowed his playfulness to shine through. i don't think i could have done that. i suppose that's why all of this happened.

 

i never told chenle what my other clock said. it was on my shoulder, which was convenient to keep it hidden, wasn't it? i always knew i would die young, that there was nothing to be changed. i didn't want chenle to be burdened by that knowledge. i wanted to let him live his life as happily as he could without the weight of my death on his shoulders, dampening his mood.

 

take good care of him, jisung. take care of him where i couldn't. he needs you now more than ever.

 

renjun


End file.
